From a young age, I had wanted to become an actor. In my teens, I even took action to realise this goal, but I chickened out at the last minute when the opportunity actually arrived. A silly boy I was! Although the desire to act did not leave me even in adulthood, sometimes I felt it slipping away. Sometimes I thought this will never become a reality.
In my late 30s, perhaps in 2007 or 2008, I got to know the owner of Lineclear Motion Pictures Sdn Bhd, Latiff Mohaideen. He offered me an opportunity to see how a movie was shot in Sabah. The movie is called Duyung, starring Maya Karin and Saiful Apek.
I saw that film production was really hard work. But because I envisioned acting in a movie myself and playing key roles in the movie production business (at that point in time), it seemed that the goal of becoming an actor was no longer a far off dream.
By God's will, after a year or so, I had the chance to write the treatment for a film called Sifu & Tongga. Media Prima had rejected the earlier script 2 or 3 times, and Latiff asked me to identify the shortcomings it had. I analysed it and explained to him what I thought the issues were. He said that the Media Prima officers had said something similar.
"Could you write the script/treatment?" he asked me. "Sure," I answered, jumping at the opportunity. And so I did. After a month or two, I went to KL to present the treatment to Latiff and Prof Razak Mohaideen, the director. They both liked it.
"We need you to present it to Media Prima," Latiff said, and again, I jumped at the opportunity. It must be noted that I wrote the treatment/script in English. I presented to Media Prima in English. If it was approved, Lineclear would translate it into Malay. The response of Media Prima – "So when is the shoot?" They liked and approved it. Alhamdulillah. I had succeeded in getting involved with the film industry in Malaysia.
As the script was fine-tuned, I told myself that this was my chance to act in a movie. But how? Both Prof Razak and Latiff saw me as a writer, a thinker, a consultant. But if I did not ask for the opportunity at this point, my goal of becoming an actor in a film may not be realised. Finally, over a meal, I told Prof Razak that I had written the part of Sigila (the madman) for myself. "Could I audition for it?"
Prof Razak said I could have the part, no need to audition. But I think he had second thoughts a few days later. "Could you come down to audition for the role?" he told me over the phone. I had 2 to 3 days to prepare myself. The moment had arrived. I needed to show him that I could act. The question of whether I could act had been in my mind for so long, many, many years. Now I would find out whether I could act.
On that fateful night, there were about 20 to 30 persons in the office where the audition was to take place. The make-up artist made me look like a monster. I told him that a madman was not a monster or hideous ghost. I took off the makeup.
Finally, the moment arrived. But I suffered from a disadvantage – both Prof Razak and Latiff had not seen my ability to act. They had seen a calm, positive, enthusiastic and rational person, not someone who could act. There was nothing to prove or show that I was capable of acting, and what more as a madman. I knew this was a real problem that needed to be addressed. I had to plan something. And now, the time had come for me to see whether this plan would work.
"Shaheed, your turn," Prof Razak said. All eyes were on me. The writer who had written the Sifu & Tongga script wanted to act. Could he act? I was sure this was the question on everyone's mind. I walked up to Prof Razak, stared at him, slammed the plastic table loudly, and shouted "SHUT UP!" Everyone was shocked. What was happening?
"I am warming up," I explained. The trick worked. For that single moment, the perception of who I was and my personality disappeared, at least for that moment. I also needed to ensure that my facial muscles were relaxed and they were. Then I performed for a minute or two. My performance was approved with enthusiasm. The Assistant Director announced that I was so unlike my personal self and it scared him. Haha!
Anyway, I put up a convincing performance, and it dawned on me that I could act. I could act the character I conjured. It was a wonderful realisation for me. All the years of practising and practising behind closed doors had not gone to waste. I thanked Allah, the Almighty. Alhamdulillah.
During the shoot, I was always near to Prof Razak, giving him my input. So, the actors (that included Saiful Apek, Nabil, Erra Fazira, Fouziah Gous, Along and Pak Piee) and the entire crew saw this. To them, I was the writer, the thinker, the consultant. I knew the challenge when it was time to shoot my scene. There was silence when it was announced that I was to play the character of Sigila. I guess the thoughts were – Can this Singaporean guy act? This guy probably used his closeness and friendship with the director and producer to get this role, but can he pull it off?
(Well, you can watch my performance from minute 31:31 to 35:35.) On set, other than those who had seen my audition doubted. Along, the comedian, advised me to play with my tongue, assuring me that it would be funny. He was a little insistent. Finally, I told him politely that I had my own style of acting, and the advice from him and others stopped. We acted for an hour or two or three, and then, some praises were showered upon me. Along said I was funny. A lady told me that I acted as a madman like some known Malaysian actor. Alhamdulillah, I had proven that I could carry the character. After that, I went back into the persona named Shaheed that they knew. In the air, there was a quiet respect for me as writer and an actor who did not show off. Whether it be acting or some other skills, I have learnt to hide them most of the time. Why? So that no one knows. If no one knows, no one gets intimidated. If no one gets intimidated, no unnecessary problems surface. Then, at the right moment, when people become aware of the skills I possess, a quiet respect and sometimes even awe can be sensed. So, this is what I advise myself – ignore the praise and get on with life because there are just so many things to learn and master, and so little time. This advice has served me well.
I should mention that I was not so fluent in Malay in that time. So, to overcome this handicap, this Indian man (or Mamak as they say in Malaysia) chose to speak Malay like a Chinese man. The trick worked. Haha! But at another time, my non-mastery of the Malay language really embarrassed me. I had to act as a policeman for a Malay TV drama, and I could not get the lines right. The director was fed up. More than 30 takes in front of several people – the crew, the director, Rahmat (my writer friend who got me the role) and several interns I was mentoring. Malu man! Really embarrassing. But the experience was priceless. With each rejected take, I got more and more "comfortable" with the rejection and embarrassment. Today, the fear of acting in Malay also lessened. Alhamdulillah.
A year or so later, I wrote the treatment for Raya Tak Jadi. This time I asked for the role of a supporting character in the movie. Prof Razak agreed and I was pleased. This was a significant role and development. In that moment, I could see the road of an actor opening up. However, some time later, Prof Razak and Latiff broke the news that Grand Brilliance (a subsidiary under Media Prima) did not agree to me playing the character. They wanted someone else. The disappointment on my face could not be hidden. Both of them saw how down I was, and Prof Razak consoled me – "You will get your chance in a movie with our own funds". I tried hard to fight the disappointment but they saw how hurt I was. I did not want to get involved with the production of the movie. It would have been too painful for me.
Some time passed. One day, Prof Razak asked me to write the script for a trio – a blind man, a deaf man and a mute. And so I did. Once again, I wrote a character for myself. It was the heroine's brother, later to be called Jibab. Given my handicap in Malay, I ensured that the character was not normal. He was on the spectrum of autism. Once again, I asked Prof Razak whether I could play this character after he had approved of the script. He said Ok and I auditioned for it, and it was a go. This time the movie was funded by Lineclear and there was no one to veto Prof Razak's selection of me as an actor. In this movie, I performed the roles of scriptwriter, line-producer and actor. It was quite a juggle and it was an enjoyable experience throughout.
On the first day of the shoot, we met the actors and went through the script. See photo below. (From left of foreground: Johan, Prof Razak, myself, Fazura, Saiful Apek and Nabil. The guy in maroon was an intern on set, I think.)
(You can watch the full Bujang Telajak movie on YouTube below.)
(Warning to those who know me personally: It may be hard for you to watch me act, especially when you have seen and known me with a particular persona – like Noor Mohamed's young son, Deedat, being confused on seeing me on the big screen, confused as to why this uncle was Jibab. Haha!)
On the last day of the shoot, we gathered together, and closed the production. In that meeting, someone joked that I should get an award for the best child actor. Haha! I did it! Finally, I know I can act rather well. Alhamdulillah! My childhood dream was fulfilled.
At the press conference, I was introduced as the writer and actor for the movie. I guess the audience was shocked. Someone asked me a question in Malay. I answered fluently in English. They saw me acting as Jibab on screen and I guess it was perhaps confusing for some of them – an English speaking person at a Malay-speaking conference, where the writer spoke fluently contrasted to the far-from-fluent character he had played. Perhaps the contrast between what they saw on screen and the person they spoke to was too much. After the press conference, I slipped away, feeling embarrassed as the reporters spoke to the stars, producer and director. I returned only when it was all over. Prof Razak asked me why I was not present. I can't remember my answer, but the reality is that although I could act, I am not a star or artiste. I actually felt suddenly very shy. I just wanted to run away from all of the attention. Strange, isn't it? And I have not changed.
So after this event, I could see the possibility of becoming a regular actor in Malaysia. But after this movie, I went back to the education industry in Singapore. The opportunities suddenly dried up due to financial pressures. For me, it was as if God had spoken to me – "You had wanted the experience of acting for so long, and I have given it to you. You have tasted it. Now, it is time to return to the world of education." And I returned to Singapore as an educator, trainer and educational consultant.
I really enjoyed the 3 years or so of working in the film industry in Malaysia. I got the opportunity to write scripts, line-produced movies, mentor Film Studies interns, consult, pitch my ideas to TV stations, lead small teams, direct documentary films and many more unique experiences. I thank God, and I thank Noor Mohamed for introducing me to Lineclear Motion Pictures, and I thank Latiff Mohaideen and Prof Razak for trusting me and giving me all sorts of opportunities in the TV and film world that I could not even sniff in Singapore. Latiff and Prof Razak treated me like family and with lots of respect. For a long while, I had wished for the journey to continue but I now accept that it was not meant to be. Education was the core of my life and it still is. The media world can exist for me but as a subset of the education world.
Below is a skit I did with the Jibab or Zeebab character. A different rendition from my performance in Bujang Telajak. To those who wonder why an educator would produce and act in such skits, well, do watch the next video (BGC Video 003). Hopefully, you will understand and realise its importance.
Would I be involved with films and acting again? I would love to. But it must align with God's plans. I would like to be involved with meaningful projects and if possible, impactful ones. We do not know what the future holds for us. I dare not close any door because we do not know what fate holds for us, until we have died and our life stories are completed. Only God knows, and we do not know anything of the future.
(Sometimes, if the content is neutral, I will act for the money and joy of it, like in the 2 Singtel ads below, where I had the opportunity to act with Zizan. They were produced at a time when I had lots of time to spare.)
