From a young age, I had wanted to become an actor. In my teens, I even took action to realise this goal, but I chickened out at the last minute when the opportunity actually arrived. A silly boy I was! Although the desire to act did not leave me even in adulthood, sometimes I felt it slipping away. Sometimes I thought this will never become a reality.
In my late 30s, perhaps in 2007 or 2008, I got to know the owner of Line Clear Motion Pictures Sdn Bhd, Latiff Mohaideen. He offered me an opportunity to see how a movie was shot in Sabah. The movie was called Duyung, starring Maya Karin and Saiful Apek.
I saw that it was really hard work. But because I envisioned acting in a movie myself and playing key roles in the movie production business (at that point in time), it seemed that the goal of becoming an actor was no longer a far off dream.
By God's will, after a year or so, I had the chance to write the treatment for a film called Sifu & Tongga. Media Prima had rejected the earlier script 2 or 3 times, and Latiff asked me to identify the issues it had. I analysed it and explained to him what I thought the issues were. He said that the Media Prima officers had said something similar.
"Could you write the script/treatment?" he asked me. "Sure," I answered, jumping at the opportunity. And so I did. After a month or two, I went to KL to present the treatment to Latiff and Prof Razak Mohaideen, the director. They both liked it.
"We need you to present it to Media Prima," Latiff said, and again, I jumped at the opportunity. It must be noted that I wrote the treatment/script in English. I presented to Media Prima in English. If it was approved, Lineclear would translate it into Malay. The response of Media Prima – "So when is the shoot?" They liked and approved it. Alhamdulillah. I had succeeded in getting involved with the film industry in Malaysia.
As the script was fine-tuned, I told myself that this was my chance to act in a movie. But how? Both Prof Razak and Latiff saw me as a writer, a thinker, a consultant. But if I did not ask for the opportunity at this point, my goal of becoming an actor in a film may not be realised. Finally, over a meal, I told Prof Razak that I wrote the part of Sigila (the madman) for myself. "Could I audition for it?"
Prof Razak said I could have the part, no need to audition. But I think he had second thoughts a few days later. "Could you come down to audition for the role?" he told me over the phone. I had 2 to 3 days to prepare myself. The moment had arrived. I needed to show him that I could act. The question of whether I could act had been in my mind for so long, many, many years. Now I would find out whether I could act.
On that fateful night, there were about 20 to 30 persons in the office where the audition was to take place. The make-up artist made me look like a monster. I told him that a madman was not a monster or hideous ghost. I took off the makeup.
Finally, the moment arrived. But it must be noted that I suffered from a disadvantage – both Prof Razak and Latiff had not seen my ability to act. They had seen a calm, positive, enthusiastic and rational person, not someone who could act. There was nothing to prove or show that I was capable of acting, and what more as a madman. I knew this was a real problem that needed to be addressed. I had to plan something. And now, the time had arrived for me to see whether this plan would work.
"Shaheed, your turn," Prof Razak said. All eyes were on me. The writer who had written the Sifu & Tongga script wanted to act. Could he act? I was sure this was the question on everyone's mind. I walked up to Prof Razak, stared at him, slammed the plastic table loudly, and shouted "SHUT UP!" Everyone was shocked. What was happening?
"I am warming up," I explained. The trick worked. For that single moment, the perception of who I was and my personality disappeared, at least for that moment. I also needed to ensure my facial muscles were relaxed and they were. Then I performed for a minute or two. My performance was approved with enthusiasm. The Assistant Director announced that I was so unlike my personal self and it scared him. Haha!
Anyway, I put up a convincing performance, and it dawned on me that I could act. I could act the character I conjured. It was a wonderful realisation for me. All the years of practising and practising behind closed doors had not gone to waste. I thanked Allah, the Almighty. Alhamdulillah.
During the shoot, I was always near to Prof Razak, giving him my input. So, the actors (which included Saiful Apek, Nabil, Erra Fazira, Fouziah Gous, Along and Pak Piee) and the entire crew saw this. To them, I was the writer, the thinker, the consultant. I knew the challenge when it was time to shoot my scene. There was silence when it was announced that I was to play the character of Sigila. I guess the thoughts were – Can this Singaporean guy act? This guy probably used his closeness and friendship with the director and producer to get this role, but can he pull it off?
(Well, you can watch my performance from minute 31:31 to 35:35.) On set, other than those who had seen my audition doubted. Along, the comedian, advised me to play with my tongue, assuring me that it would be funny. He was a little insistent. Finally, I told him politely that I had my own style of acting, and the advice from him and others stopped. We acted for close to an hour or so, and then, some praises were showered upon me. Along said I was funny. A lady told me that I acted as a madman like some known Malaysian actor. Alhamdulillah, I had proven that I could carry the character. After that, I went back into the person named Shaheed that they knew. In the air, there was a quiet respect for me as writer and an actor who did not show off. Whether it be acting or some other skills, I have learnt to hide them most of the time. Why? So that no one knows. If no one knows, no one gets intimidated. If no one gets intimidated, no unnecessary problems surface. Then, at the right memonet, when people become aware of the skills I possess, a quiet respect and sometimes even awe can be sensed. So, this is what I advise myself – ignore the praise and get on with life because there are just so many things to learn and master, and so little time. This advice has served me well.
I should mention that at that time, I was not so fluent in Malay. So, to overcome the handicap, this Indian man (or Mamak as they say in Malaysia) chose to speak Malay like a Chinese man. The trick worked. Haha! But at another time, my non-mastery of the Malay language really embarrassed me. I had to act as a policeman for a Malay TV drama, and I could not get the lines with the right intonation. The director was fed up. More than 30 takes in front of several people – the crew, the director, Rahmat (my writer friend who got me the role) and several interns I was leading. Malu man! Really embarrassing. But the experience was priceless. With each take rejected, I got more and more "comfortable" with the rejection Today, my fear of embarrassment has lessened. The fear of acting in Malay also lessened. Alhamdulillah.
TO BE CONTINUED
